Pffft!!!

I got it!

Please visit me mate Old-Nick and toss him yer virtual panties. This oughta cheer him up.

And if you are really into it, shake your virtual booty at him.

*takes off her granny pants, flings them at Old-Nick and shimmies her booty*

Are ya feeling better mate?

*cups hand to ear*

What's that?

You've gone blind. Sorry. Me granny pants are rather, well, granny-ish.

(((hugs)))

I have always known yoga to be a soothing, relaxing and peaceful exercise.

That is until I started doing it at home, in the living room with the Trio be-bopping all around me as I do my downward dog or child's pose.

Dang.

The Trio could be peacefully sleeping on the couch, licking their bits or chasing kitty kitty 'round the house but the very moment I place the yoga mat on the floor, that's when the trouble starts.

Sammy promptly goes and lies on the mat. Then I gotta shush him off it.

Molly G starts singing as chocolate labs do and begins chomping on Sammy's neck. They lay down on the floor right beside me and wrestle.

Puddum P asserts her wee self by jumping on the back of the sofa and barking like she is in command of the doggy mayhem.

Gah.

Guess, I shouldn't complain about the abundance of life in my home, now should I?

BOL!

That's why the girls need to stay in hiding!

Happy Hallowe'en!!

Years ago, hubby and I went out to a business dinner that was celebrating the success of a few employees for their hard work and accomplishments to date.

There were 4 couples, one man was the leader of the group and would be presenting a financial award to hubby and the two other fellers.

Here's a few things ya need to know to set the mood of the evening:

* One of the dudes is an egotistical twat a.k.a. twat man who takes great delight in letting women know he is a far superior human being than us female types.

* Hubby's company is conservative, worldwide and well-respected. Stodgy for short *sniggers* And as hubby is a polite, refined man both in his personal and professional life, I counter-balance him by simply being my ole, outrageous self which makes for an interesting evening.

* As this dinner was held in a spiffy restaurant, I was dressed to suit the mood of the high-end restaurant, complete with a V-neck line that showed off the girls.

The story

Hubby and I were the second couple to get to the restaurant and when I saw the third couple arrive, who also happen to be my friends, I silently prayed they would sit beside me as that would leave the twat man on the other side of the table. As my luck would have it, they did not hear my prayers and sat on the other side of the table. When the twat man sat right beside me, I booted my friend underneath the table and mouthed the words, "You're dead" as I motioned to the waiter to bring me a bottle of vino toute suite.

When the time came for the awards speech, the Leader dude decided to start with mentioning all of twat's successful endeavors, blah-blah-blahnity-blah, gawd you woulda thought twat could part the ocean or something, he was grinning like the fool he is and when I could no longer stand to listen to the drivel about twat, I loudly interrupted the boss man and said, 'Okay, enough about twat. Let's talk about hubby.'

There was much tittering at the table as I said those words with a smile pasted on my face, the convo about twat ended and all attention diverted to my husband.

Cue glaring looks by twat man at me to which I responded by wiggling the girls at him. Men are just so easy to distract.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Then the piece de resistance came when boss man ended his speech about hubby, reached into his pocket and pulled out a envelope that smelled like money. As he was extending his hand to give hubby the envelope, I snatched it from his hand, remarked "Yoink! I do believe I have earned that as well" and stuck said envelope right between my boobs!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

The cheek of it all.

insert convo between hubby and Ma

Hubby: Oh Ma! The Raptors are playing their first game of the season on Wednesday! I am looking forward to it.

Ma arches left eyebrow

Ma: Oh yah, that`s Halloween and it`s your turn to be giving out the damn candy since I got shafted doing it for the past few years.

insert hubby cursing

Hubby: Damn it! I am only giving out candy till 6:59 and then the little buggers are outta luck.

cue Ma stuffing her fist in her gob to stop the sniggering

Da...when you go grocery shopping, can ya pick up some Lucky Charms cereal and Jif peanut butter?

Why? You don't eat that Ma?

No but my friend, ladee-bird does and I be taking that to her when I scarpers off to the UK.

*sniggers*

Insert morning phone call between hubby and Meno

Hubby: squeaks out a stifled ‘Morning’

Meno’s ears perk up

Meno: Hung over are ya?

Hubby whispers: ‘Just a wee bit’

Meno bangs on drum!!!

*sniggers*

All’s fair in lurve and war. No worries. Hubby will have more than a chance to get me back.

In other news, kitty kitty had the shits yesterday but did manage to make it to the litter box (I think).

Try cleaning that up after you have scarfed yer dinner.

*gags*

insert an early evening convo between hubby and Meno

Meno: Sooooo, waddaya think of me scarpering off to England?

Hubby: Well, Ma, it is a once in a lifetime opportunity, should be a ton of laughs, blah-blah-blahhity blah.

Meno: Erm, do you think I will get into any mischief?

Hubby: Well, you may be drinking a bit.

cue massive, fooking laughter from Meno

Meno: Stop! You are killing me here. A little bit of drinking?

Hubby: Okay, so you will be drinking. BTW, I will make sure you have enough money in your account to do what you need to do but if there is any left over you need to give it back to me.

cue Meno rolling on the floor pissing herself laughing

*wipes her eyes*

Meno: Stop! You are killing me here. As if I am gonna have a penny left! Gawd. you are a stitch.

skip to several hours later

cue phone ringing

Hubby: How ya doing Ma?

Meno: I am good Da. BTW, do not be carrying on about me spending money when I am in the UK.

Hubby: Maaaaa. I luffs ya Ma. You spend what ya want.

Meno: Are you drunk?

Hubby: I have had a few.

Meno: BOL!

Nuff said.

Short, black skirt – check
Loose top with low neck – check
Silk stockings – check
Stilettos – check
Personal Danger Insurance – double check

*thinks*

Fatey…..um…

Will I need to bring my feather boa for our karaoke?

Read an article that wine could slow dementia.

So, I am good to go then.

*sniggers*

I have often wished this question was asked of me so in return I have asked this question to those I love.

"Child, what are your dreams, your hopes, your wishes for your life?"

And now, I ask this question of you, my sweet bloggity mates.

"What are your dreams, your hopes, your wishes for your life?"

‘Get out of your own way’

We ARE our own worst enemy

‘You will not be made strong but be given an opportunity to show your strength’

That sounds like a great plan

‘In God We Trust’

I kinda like the idea of handing over ownership of difficult situations. Somehow it relieves me of many burdens that I simply can not control. Having said that, I would never blindly ignore troublesome scenarios but if you can not control the outcome, then why not dump it on God to sort out? Or not.

A Snippet of the Fun Life in MenoLand

Background

There as been road construction down one side of our street. The dudes working on the project like to park their big ass trucks along the side of our house where we flop our garbage for the biweekly pickup.

Garbage dudes have missed collecting our trash for a month now as the construction wankers have parked their mutha-of-a-truck near the garbage.

Hubby has been traveling and I get the pleasure of hauling those fricking bags out to the curb. Hubby lands in Toronto at midnight. Then he has an hour drive to MenoLand.

The Story

*bringggg-bringggg goes the telephone*

Hubby: 'Ma, I called and complained to the city and our garbage will get picked up tomorrow, first thing in the morning and it needs to go out to the curb.

Meno: *raises right eyebrow* Ya. Okay. How is that my problem?

Hubby: I guess I can do it tomorrow morning.

Meno: Damn straight. I hauled that mutha-fricking garbage out and then had to haul that mutha-fricking garbage back when those llwnts didn't pick up the garbage.

Hubby: *sounds nervous-like* Ya, I can do it in the morning.

Meno: Welcome to reality. Party's over.

*sniggers*

Postscript

Hubby denies always traveling when the damn garbage needs to go out but lemme tell ya, the charm of doing all the bleeding chores when hubby is away wears thin quickly.

That is all.

Ta.

Got an email from a friend who I haven't seen for awhile but she has seen me with hubby. Here's what she sezs...

I think I saw you two not long ago at townline and king. You probably wouldn't have seen me as you only had eyes for each other.

Isn't that lovely?

Note the heavily accented pronunciation of shit.

Toosday found me wishing I had worn mittens on my walk with the Trio. And a wooly jacket as the temp was 4 degrees Celsius whilst walking the Trio.

My wee fingers were red with cold before you could say ‘winter be damned’.

*sighs*

I am soooo not a good Canadian when it comes to enjoying the frapping cold winters.

*Sook alert*

Anybody up for a move to Mexico? Spain? Brazil? Someplace where there is nada snow?

Anyone?

Typically, when hubby travels I manage to get into a shedload of mischief.

Oh yes, my little chickadees, it is ever so true.

Methinks it is a combination of unsupervised time, oh yes, I do need a chaperone *sniggers* the fermented red grape and a woeful abandon to spice things up.

That makes for a very interesting evening.

Like the time I ordered Swiss Chalet dinners, online, no doubt, which BTW is a fricking awesomer way to get a warm dinner at the time of your choosing *swats self* but I digress. I did order Swiss Chalet for 7 days straight and got the same delivery dude each and every time and stopped because he was ready to propose to such a diligent customer.

Or the time I scarfed a vat of wine, shovelled Swiss Chalet into my gob *shakes fist* damn you SC, went on ebay, bid on 2 Nintendo Wii's, thank Gawd one I lost and managed to pay over $200.00 more than the store price.

*sniggers*

Hubby was not as....happy...about that as you can well imagine.

Or the time I decided to paint the upstairs bedroom a fetching fuschia, a glass of wine in one hand, paint brush in the other and managed to fall in the grate not once but twice and that would account for the flecks of fuschia on the white walls.

Or the time I decided to 'trim' the cherry tree and I do use that word lightly since I managed to whittle that tree into a pathetic stump.

mmmmm

I do recall hubby walking out into the backyard and loudly exclaiming 'Holy Fawk!!!' to which I replied, 'I didn't know that a fawk was holy.'

I do recommend you scarper as best as you can if you want to remain alive after letting those words go.

So far, I have been good but it is has only been 19 hours since he has gone.

ooooo, look a paint brush....

I wanna talk about how we can stop polluting the very air where we send our thoughts, our vibes, our feelings and our cyber words for when we send negativity through cyberspace, we are polluting our minds, our thoughts and our earth.

Bottom line...play nice.

If you don't have something positive to say, please pack up your toys and skidaddle home.