Years ago, hubby and I went out to a business dinner that was celebrating the success of a few employees for their hard work and accomplishments to date.

There were 4 couples, one man was the leader of the group and would be presenting a financial award to hubby and the two other fellers.

Here's a few things ya need to know to set the mood of the evening:

* One of the dudes is an egotistical twat a.k.a. twat man who takes great delight in letting women know he is a far superior human being than us female types.

* Hubby's company is conservative, worldwide and well-respected. Stodgy for short *sniggers* And as hubby is a polite, refined man both in his personal and professional life, I counter-balance him by simply being my ole, outrageous self which makes for an interesting evening.

* As this dinner was held in a spiffy restaurant, I was dressed to suit the mood of the high-end restaurant, complete with a V-neck line that showed off the girls.

The story

Hubby and I were the second couple to get to the restaurant and when I saw the third couple arrive, who also happen to be my friends, I silently prayed they would sit beside me as that would leave the twat man on the other side of the table. As my luck would have it, they did not hear my prayers and sat on the other side of the table. When the twat man sat right beside me, I booted my friend underneath the table and mouthed the words, "You're dead" as I motioned to the waiter to bring me a bottle of vino toute suite.

When the time came for the awards speech, the Leader dude decided to start with mentioning all of twat's successful endeavors, blah-blah-blahnity-blah, gawd you woulda thought twat could part the ocean or something, he was grinning like the fool he is and when I could no longer stand to listen to the drivel about twat, I loudly interrupted the boss man and said, 'Okay, enough about twat. Let's talk about hubby.'

There was much tittering at the table as I said those words with a smile pasted on my face, the convo about twat ended and all attention diverted to my husband.

Cue glaring looks by twat man at me to which I responded by wiggling the girls at him. Men are just so easy to distract.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Then the piece de resistance came when boss man ended his speech about hubby, reached into his pocket and pulled out a envelope that smelled like money. As he was extending his hand to give hubby the envelope, I snatched it from his hand, remarked "Yoink! I do believe I have earned that as well" and stuck said envelope right between my boobs!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

The cheek of it all.